inahandbasket

Need bike advice.
Tommy? others?

I want to get a city bike.
I'm a big guy, over 200lbs, so I need a bike with tires that can take me hopping curbs at speed, and other shenanigans.
I'm thinking either a hybrid, or a mountain bike with slickrock style tires, as a straight roadbike would probably have more blowouts than I'm willing to deal with.
Don't need shocks, although really stiff front shocks on a hardtail might be ok. I've riden suspension bikes on roads before, and those shocks suck a sizable about of your pedal power when you're my size and really pumping.
For god's sake, no grip shifters.

and cheap.
$500 absolute maximum, and I'd prefer to pay less than half of that.
Should I hit up my numerous local bike shops with my list of demands?
Mail-order?
I've heard fleabay has some great deals on bikes if you know what you're looking at...?

In other news, yes, I'm alive.
I've been on somewhat of a hiatus from the intarweb, and haven't really been reading LJ, so if you've tried do solicit my input on anything, I apologize.
feel free to ream me out in the comments.

Now to go call my mother, who also thinks I'm dead in a gutter somewhere.